he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
