do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
