you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
