Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
