Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Send help, water and tortillas.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
