It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
