....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
