Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
