She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
