Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
