we have pet lesbian snakes
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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