Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
