what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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