were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
