just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
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