I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
