is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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