one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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