it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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