Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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