Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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