How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
