How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
