My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
