I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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