Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
