Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Randomize
