they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
