Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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