My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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