Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
