She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
