Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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