We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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