Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
