Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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