I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
