dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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