Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
