there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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