2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
