I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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