I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
home. puking in laundry basket.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
