Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
