I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
