I hate all girls vehemently.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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