How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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