Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
