is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
