If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
