How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
