return my video game
doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
