If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
