I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I touched a dick in church today
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
