She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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